Broken but Breathing (Jinx Tattoos Book 2) Read online

  “I’m ready,” she stated.

  “How long you been in this class?” Dirty asked.

  “About a month.”

  He scoffed. “So basically, you know jack shit.”

  “Try me,” she said.

  “Highball.”

  She nodded and moved to grab a tumbler.

  “You even know what that is, girl?” Dirty taunted.

  She ignored him as she added ice, grabbed a bottle of whiskey, and topped it off with a splash of Coke. She sat the drink down in front of Dirty. “What do you think, old man?”

  Dirty threw back his head and laughed, breaking the tension. “Hot damn, I might like you after all.”

  She smiled, and his brothers descended, eager to put her schooling to the test. As they crowded in around her, she glanced at him, and he nodded his approval. She turned to take another drink order. Her deference pleased him. Her silent request woke something protective inside of him. She is mine to protect. She called me because she knew I could keep her safe and help her. The thought made him hard. I’m a pig. The last thing on her mind right now is getting dicked down.

  §

  Flushed and mused, she slid another drink down the bar and he stepped in.

  “All right, the bartender is off the clock,” Snake said.

  His brothers let out a groan, and he laughed. It wasn’t every day they had someone behind the bar who knew what the fuck they were doing. It was usually a hang around or biker bunny looking to bed a bad boy or hoping to make Old Lady status. He nodded his head and she moved from behind the bar. The color in her cheeks looked good.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, that was fun. I always liked making drinks for people. It’s why I went to Bartending School.”

  “Seems like a solid plan. Plenty of people can’t say they like what they do.”

  “Hey, you get out of school and need a gig, you come back this way,” Dirty called.

  She flashed him a smile, and Snake’s heart skipped a beat. Jesus Christ, she’s beautiful. It changed her completely. The inner light he glimpsed was a beacon. He took a step closer before he could think better of it. She looked up at him, pinning him with her large eyes.

  “You play pool?” he asked.

  The smile returned, and he caught his breath. “I dabble.”

  “We have a pool table and a dartboard.”

  “Darts? I love darts.”

  “What’s a little thing like you know about darts?” Brawny, an ex-linebacker for a minor leagues football team asked.

  “A girl who knows enough,” Estelle replied.

  That’s it, baby, give ’em sass.

  “You care to put your money where your mouth is, Sprite?” Brawny wiggled the toothpick in his mouth.

  Something wicked moved behind her eyes. “Are you?”

  “Oh hooo. I think she’s calling you out, brother,” Dirty said.

  Brawny looked at Snake. “You see this shit?”

  “I do,” Snake replied with a grin. He’d done the right thing bringing her here. She didn’t have time to dwell on anything. The club was good for taking your mind off of everything.

  “And you approve?” Brawny said.

  “Fuck yes. Hand him his ass, Es.” The nickname rolled off Snake’s tongue easily.

  “One-hundred bucks says I win.”

  Her lips quirked upward, and she glanced down. He had a feeling she was going to slaughter Brawny. He took a long draw off his beer as they walked to the game room. They moved over to the dartboard set up and Brawny handed her three darts.

  “Okay,” she murmured. She was an odd mixture of brash and shyness.

  “Ladies first,” Brawny said.

  “Hmm.” She took the darts from his hand, stood behind the lines, and narrowed her gaze. Thump, thump, thump. In the blink of an eye, she’d nailed the bull’s eyes in a rapid succession.

  “Son of a bitch,” Brawny muttered.

  “My mother’s a saint. It’s my rakish father who taught me everything he knew about darts.”

  “You brought a damn dart shark in here?” Brawny said.

  Snake shrugged. “Seems to me you were the one egging her on, not the other way around.”

  “Don’t be a sore loser. This is a good thing. Imagine all the money we can make on the brothers who come in from out of town,” Hustle said.

  “Oh, you would think of that,” Brawny grumbled.

  Hustle shrugged. “What? We have an opportunity to make easy money.”

  “I think she’d have to agree first. Come with me, trouble,” Snake said, crooking his finger.

  They continued to bicker as she played a few more rounds and the food arrived. He plied her with wings and beer until she mellowed. Now it’s time to talk.

  “You ready to talk?” he asked.

  She nodded.

  “Let’s head to my room then.” He guided her through the crowd to his dorm room. He kept his space clean and organized.

  He removed his arm and closed the door behind him. “Sorry about that, the boys can be a bit incorrigible, especially Hustle. Had to get you out of there before he had you set up for tournaments.”

  “They’re not what I expected,” she remarked.

  “What did you expect?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe not as playful?” She frowned. “I’ve been a long time without interacting with people. I’m rusty.”

  “You been sitting in an ivory tower too long, Sprite?”

  “I’m pretty sure those are for princesses only,” she said.

  “Nice try to avoid the topic.”

  “You want me to admit I’ve been pathetic, Xavier? That make you feel good?”

  He liked the sound of his name on her lips. He hadn’t heard it in a long time.

  “Are you angry with me, Es?”

  “No,” she admitted. Her lower lip trembled. “We tried for five years to conceive, and then I lost her. I’m thirty-eight. I know my window is all but gone. It makes things so much more painful.” She hiccupped.

  His heart went out to her. Jocelyn had been a one and done. They decided after three years of marriage and five years of togetherness it was time for kids and out went the birth control.

  “Hey, women are having kids later and later.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t think I could do it. Care that much again.”

  “Give it time,” he said.

  “You mean to tell me you’re scouting for a new wife?”

  He laughed. “Shit. Jade was lucky to tame me. I can’t imagine any woman being up to the challenge. But I wouldn’t totally discount it if she could handle my life.”

  “I find it hard to believe.”

  He shrugged. “I don’t pretty up words to make others feel better, Sprite.”

  “Does it ever stop hurting so much?”

  “No, but you learn how to handle it better. Your life becomes about more than everything you lost.”

  “Is that how it went for you?” she questioned.

  “With the help of the club, yeah. You have to find something and hold on to that shit like it’s your last chance at life because it is. Grief is a crushing weight. You have to find a flotation device to keep your head above water.”

  “I don’t know that I can.”

  “I saw you out there tonight. You were alive.”

  “Because here I’m someone else. They don’t know my past or look at me expecting certain things. It’s a chance to figure things out.”

  “Allow yourself the time and space to continue that, Es. You’re welcome here anytime.”

  “I don’t want your pity—”

  “Hey, I don’t do that shit. I like you.”

  “Why?”

  “Still trying to figure that out,” he said.
/>   She laughed, and it was a tiny sound bite from heaven.

  “That’s better. I see the happy person in you fighting to break free. I’ve traveled the same road you’re on. We make sense. As friends,” he added quickly when she lifted an eyebrow.

  She took a shaky breath. “I want to take a chance on you. When I’m with you, I feel comfortable in a way I haven’t experienced in a very long time.”

  “That’s all that matters, Es.”

  Sniffling, she smiled ruefully. “I guess you’re right.”

  “Get used to saying that. ’Cause usually I am.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I should call my family back now. They’ll be worried. The last thing I need is the police at my door.”

  “Be a shitty end to a bad day,” he agreed.

  She stood from the chair in front of his desk. “Thank you for this,” she said.

  “Hey, we agreed I’m your support.”

  “Who’s yours?” she asked.

  “I got a club full of brothers for that, Es.”

  “Just the same. I hope you know I’m always here to listen, too.”

  “I appreciate that. Let me walk you out.”

  He turned her words over in his mind as they gathered her things and she said her round of good-byes. She hadn’t been there longer than a few hours, and she’d already won them over. As he watched her pull away, he wondered if he was doing this for her or himself.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Estelle

  “Is this the point where you explain where you were last night?” Jolene asked as she peered over her plastic cup.

  Sighing, Estelle leaned back into her plush orange armchair. The peace she’d discovered yesterday with Snake was disintegrating rapidly. How can I explain a man like him to Jolene? He was a complex puzzle she’d yet to scratch the surface on. Jolene would only see the tats and outlaw biker lifestyle. She would call her a million shades of stupid and start listing all the reasons why any sort of relationship with him was a bad idea. She took a sip of her Bourbon Barrel Coffee to stall for time.

  “Does it matter?” Estelle asked, studying the brown liquid inside her mug.

  “Were you at the grave site again?” Jolene’s voice dropped to a near whisper.

  Estelle looked up. The sorrow in her sister-in-law’s green eyes cut through Estelle’s annoyance like a hot knife through butter. She folded.

  “No. I told you, this year I’m focused on moving forward. No more drunken days sitting on the cold ground all day. I promise. I know it won’t change anything.”

  Jolene seemed relieved. “So where were you?”

  “With a friend,” Estelle replied with a shrug.

  Jolene frowned. Estelle could see the wheels in her head turning double time.

  “Who?”

  “No one you know,” Estelle answered, keeping her tone light.

  “You’ll have to forgive me if that’s not reassuring,” Jolene said drolly.

  Estelle cringed. After everything Jolene had done for her, she owed her more of an explanation. “I’ve been going to a grief group for about a month now. They pair you up with a buddy, or as my sponsor and I would say, support.”

  “That’s fantastic, Estelle! Why didn’t you say something?” Jolene’s face lit up like a lamp that had been switched on.

  “Because I didn’t know if I was going to continue it initially. Later, because it felt good to do something and not make a big deal out of it. Sometimes I feel like I’m living in a petri dish under a microscope.” She shuddered remembering the way she’d been hounded by the press right after the accident. Everyone wanted an update on her progress or an exclusive interview. She’d stopped watching local television because they kept playing her story like it was a new reality television show. The mini paparazzi stage had contributed substantially to the previous year of living like a hermit and cutting people off. There were no words to describe the way it felt to see your so-called friends on the screen doing interviews about you.

  “Between the frequent visits with the doc, and you and everyone I know waiting to see if I’m going to have another epic meltdown, there’s not a lot of room for screw ups. The pressure is too intense. I wanted to dip my toe into the water without an audience standing behind me.”

  “We worry about you, Stelle. You’ve been through a lot and haven’t always handled everything well.”

  “I know. I understand that, but you can’t hold it against me for the rest of my life. I’ve been through some Lifetime movie worthy shit over the past couple of years.”

  “We don’t hold it against you—”

  “Do you know how many missed calls I had when I got to my car after class? I love you all for caring. You carried me when I couldn’t stand on my own two feet. You dragged me out of bed kicking and screaming when I wanted to lay down and die. I will never forget that or downplay it. I was a mess. But I’m not that person anymore.”

  Jolene stirred her iced coffee and peered out the window. “It’s hard to stop cold turkey. We’ve watched you struggle so hard, gain momentum, and then crash and burn out of nowhere. It makes it hard for us to be hands off, and let you go it alone. I know you’re not a child. I’m not trying to treat you like one,” Jolene said with a sigh.

  “Trust me to ask for help if I need it. I have to learn to function on my own again, Jole. It’s the only way it’ll work long-term.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “Was your support helpful?”

  Estelle smiled. “Yeah, they were. I dragged my feet about going to the grief group. I’ve gotten used to being an anti-social hermit. What used to come second-nature takes a bit of work. I accept that, and I’m trying to change it. Funnily enough, and as cliché as it sounds, being around others who’ve lost someone helps.”

  “Do you get up and talk?” Jolene asked, leaning forward in her chair.

  “No. Honestly, I usually just listen. But they don’t make you do anything you don’t feel up to.”

  Jolene smiled. “I’m glad you found something that helps you.”

  “Me too. It feels like a massive breakthrough.”

  “So, what did you and support do?” Jolene asked.

  She was fishing, but Estelle had no plans of taking the bait. She wanted to keep Snake to herself for now.

  “Hung out, played pool, and shot darts.”

  Jolene’s eyebrows raised. “Really?”

  “Well, I get out of class at eleven. There isn’t much else to do at that time of night.”

  “True. You’re awfully tight-lipped regarding the entire thing. You’re not going to give me any details?”

  She shook her head and mocked buttoning her lips.

  “Hmmm,” Jolene hummed.

  “Enough about me. Tell me what’s going on with you,” Estelle asked, switching the spotlight.

  “Running ragged. With one in middle school and the other in high school I’m constantly going back and forth. I can’t wait until Joshua gets his driver’s license this year. We’re going to get him a reasonably priced dependable car, and I’ll regain some of my sanity.”

  Estelle smiled. “I know it’s crazy now, but you love it.”

  Jolene sighed. “I really do. I feel like I blinked, and they grew up on me. In another year, Brenda will be in high school, and Josh will be one step closer to leaving the nest. Then what will I do?”

  “Take painting classes, go to wine tastings, enjoy your husband,” Estelle said, happy to be the one reassuring her friend for once. Theirs had been a horribly lopsided relationship in the past two years.

  “Todd is always so busy with work. Part of me fears what will happen when we don’t have the kids as a buffer.”

  “Are you two having problems?” Estelle asked.

  “No. At least that would be something. Right now, we’re two ships passing in the n
ight. I feel like the romance in our marriage is dead. It’s all duty, schedules, and realism.” She shook her head.

  “Do you have date nights?” Estelle asked, vaguely recalling the tradition they used to indulge in bi-weekly.

  She laughed. The bitter cackle raised Estelle’s hackles, and hurt her ears like a bad chord. It was painful to listen to.

  “I can’t remember the last time we went on a date. Not a family function we’re obligated to dress up and attend, but an outing where we focus solely on one another, hold hands, and time outside of that moment ceases to exist. No. We’ve gotten so far off course, I don’t know how to get back on the right path.”

  “How long have you been feeling like this?” Estelle asked, stunned by the revelation. Jolene always seemed to have everything together.

  “Too long. I can’t give you a date. It’s become a recurring thought stuck on a loop in my brain. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it before, because what does this say about me? I’m in this marriage I don’t even enjoy. That makes me a complete failure.” Her eyes glistened, and she sniffled.

  “No, it doesn’t.” Estelle set her mug down on the end table and leaned over to take Jolene’s hands. “You realized you have an issue. Now it’s our job to figure out what we can do to fix this. Your kids are old enough to stay alone. Set up one day each week for you and Todd to have some alone time. You both deserve it.”

  “Part of me is afraid to ask him.”

  The pain in Jolene’s voice made her heartache. “Why?”

  “What if he says no? What if addressing the elephant in the room brings me worse news?”

  “How could it be worse?”

  “He could ask me for a divorce, or tell me he’s cheating.”

  “Do you think he’s messing around?” Estelle whispered, stunned. How the hell could I be so blind? She’s been going through hell, and lending me her shoulder like a boss while I continued to take without giving.