Resurrecting Ghosts (MC Romance) (Kings of Chaos Book 4) Read online

  “Ain’t the same thing as living it. You know when you date an outsider you have to lay all out or keep them completely separate from everything. You can’t have one foot in and one foot out. It never ends well for anyone.”

  Shadow has wisdom that goes beyond on his years. I’m not sure if it’s the time he did in the pen or his personality. Then again, he’ s been a parent for a long time. They have a way of growing you up.

  “I wasn’t sure I wanted to get that deep.”

  “And now?” Shadow asks.

  “I want to be in it over my head,” I respond with a shrug. After almost a month of not having her around…what I want is as clear as the water in the purest stream. I know what I want, and I aim to get it.

  “You got your work cut out for you then.”

  “I never minded a challenge,” I quip.

  Shadow snickers. “Yeah, I noticed.”

  I run my hand over my Mohawk and sigh. How do I explain my point of view without coming across like a total pussy? I don’t do relationships, feelings, or commitment. Here I am breaking all of my rules for this one woman. Ruthie Gregg is different. She’s laid back, understands most of my lifestyle, and is always down for whatever. Her banging body and pretty as fuck face were the things that caught my attention at first.

  Now, they’re just a bonus. The things I like most about her are way deeper than the surface bullshit that used to consume me. You can only sleep with so many beautiful women falling all over themselves to please you before it gets old. I could bust a nut with any of the club girls. Didn’t do shit for me on the inside.

  I’m closer to forty than not. As my brothers paired off, an unexplored desire surfaced. One was to have a woman of my own. I don’t know if marriage and kids are on the list. A steady woman in my bed and life is a definite. Ruthie is that woman.

  “You might want to wait a minute before you try to talk to her,” Echo suggests.

  “Why?”

  “Cause they went in there for girl time,” Echo explains. “That shit is sacred or something. You don’t interrupt it without a damn good reason. It’s like female church.”

  I look at Shadow, and we both burst into laughter.

  “What? I’m serious. D’rose and your old lady are scary together, Shadow. You add Ruthie, and hell no, I’m not butting in,” Echo mumbled, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

  “Luckily, I’m braver,” I say.

  “No just stubborn and ignorant,” Echo teases.

  “If I were you, I’d be using this time to figure out what the hell I was going to say,” Shadow suggests.

  “That I’m sorry, and I didn’t realize it was out of bounds for her?”

  “You’re going to have to do better than that, brother.” Shadow shakes his head.

  “I’ve never had to use fancy words with her. She gets what I’m trying to say,” I defend with a scowl.

  “That was before you broke her trust,” Echo reminds me.

  “You come at her with that lame ass excuse, and she’s going to eat you alive and spit out your bones,” Shadow states firmly. He takes a long draw of off his beer.

  I question my plan. Maybe I screwed things up worse than I thought. I’m not in the habit of filming my exploits. Part of me knew she might find it. I’ve never been a coward, but feelings make a person irrational. Damn.

  “If you want that chance, they’re coming out right now,” Echo announces.

  “Um, yeah.” I walk toward them still dazed by the ‘a-ha’ moment I had. I approach her, and she continues past me. I grab her wrist. “Hey, I want to talk to you.”

  “Too bad, because I don’t want to speak to you. I might be irrational.”

  “Look I was wrong with the way I handled what happened.”

  “No, you were wrong for doing it in the first place.”

  “We never set down guidelines.”

  “Hah. I didn’t know I needed to do that.” She crosses her arms over her breasts.

  I can’t help admiring them. I swear they’re bigger than I remember. “Look we both came into this for fun. Then things got serious. We rode the wave, letting us take it where it wanted, instead of talking about it. That’s where we went wrong.”

  “We?” She narrows her gaze.

  “Okay, me. I’ve never done this.”

  “Done what? We never even put a name to what we were doing.”

  “If that’s what you needed you should’ve told me, Ruthie. I’m not a mind reader.”

  “And I’m not a pushover.” She unfolds her arms and places her hands on her hips. “You don’t get to run around doing whatever and whoever you want while I’m back at home waiting for you like an idiot.”

  “I know you’re upset, but it’s not like I had sex with her.”

  “Right? So, it’s okay if someone gives me head.”

  “Fuck no.” The thought of another man touching her intimately makes me growl.

  “Double standards don’t fly with me. We agreed we’d be honest and upfront.”

  “And I have been,” I defend. I’m frustrated by her inability to see how much I changed for her.

  “What I don’t understand is why you kept the picture there. You’re not careless or stupid, Tritt.”

  The sound of my real name on her tongue makes my dick hard. She’s the only one who uses it these days. I like the personal connections we’ve made. “No, and if you’re willing to listen to me, I want to explain why.”

  “No.”

  “What?” I ask unnerved by the resolve behind her words.

  She purses her lips. “I don’t want to hear some lame ass excuse. I’m not going to be one of those girls so desperate to keep a biker boyfriend, she’ll accept everything on his terms.”

  When her voice gets louder, I grab her elbow and drag her back into the house. “No one asked you to do that, Ruthie. What the hell?”

  “Didn’t you? When you did this shit and left it for the whole world to see. Were you bragging to your friends about this blonde bitch blowing you while your stupid ass girlfriend was back at home waiting by the phone for a phone call?

  “No, I would never do that,” I say.

  “Right. And you expect me to believe you…why? I never thought you’d be letting strangers suck the dick I’d been riding the day before.” The apples of her cheeks are red. Her light green eyes darken to a jade with anger.

  “I said I was sorry, Ruthie. I meant that. It’s more than anyone gets from me.”

  “Oh, lucky me to get a halfhearted ass apology! Is that all that happened during that trip or since? Maybe you couldn’t pick up the phone and call me ‘cause you were balls deep in biker bunnies.”

  I tighten my grip on her elbow. “There wasn’t anyone else. I’m many things, but a liar isn’t one of them. You know that. I messed up. I take responsibility for my mistake. You’re mad. I get it. But I’m not a child you can talk down to and scold either. You need to take your tone down a notch.”

  “I think I need to take it up. I’ve never been disrespected like this in my life. You know why? Because I’m not the type of woman who’d allow it. Rarely, do I let anyone close enough to harm me. I’m okay with things being light and fun. I thrived off that for years. You were the one who made me feel like you wanted more. I thought we found a relationship worth taking risks over. Then you let me down and humiliated me.” She scowls. “I can’t go through that again. I’m not a twenty-year-old little girl. I’m thirty-three and done playing games. So, excuse me if I don’t want to listen to whatever excuse you’ve drummed up almost a month after our argument.”

  “You know it’s been hectic around here.”

  “All the reason more to settle up with me. What do you do? Send your lackeys.” Her eyes glimmer with tears.

  “Hey, having a brother look over you is a big deal.
Even if they aren’t fully patched in yet.”

  “The only thing I wanted was you, Tritt. A simple call to see how I was doing would’ve made the difference. I was at home worrying myself sick. I’m done. We can be civil. I owe that to Shadow and Blue, but it’s all I’m giving you.” She pushes me away and rushes past me.

  I turn and watch the one woman who’s ever meant anything to me flee. I’m sick to my stomach. I have no clue where to start to win this woman back. I don’t work to get women, they offer themselves up like a buffet.

  I’m up a creek without a paddle.

  Chapter Two

  Ruthie

  “Holy crap, Ruthie. Are you opening a floral shop, or is Skull still at it?” Blue asks removing her key from the lock as she walks into my house.

  “Ha, ha, ha.” I roll my eyes. The flowers kept arriving daily. “He keeps sending me flowers. My favorites,” I whine.

  “That bastard,” she teases.

  “You can take your sarcasm and shove it, little lady.”

  “What? Why not give the guy a break? The showering with gifts has been going on for over a week. The brothers are having a field day seeing his ass made to crawl over broken glass for you.”

  “All he did was set up a schedule to deliver these ‘1-800- I’m-sorry beautiful blossoms to the girl he dicked over’.”

  “Since when are you so cynical?” Blue asks.

  I sigh and run my fingers over my forehead to relieve the pressure building. “I’m all over the place.” I stand from the breakfast nook and walk into the kitchen. “He keeps sending me extras with them. If I get one more box of Godiva chocolates, I’m going to become a diabetic.”

  “So stop eating them.” Blues’ eyes sparkle with amusement. The bitch is enjoying this.

  “I can’t. They’re too good. You know expensive chocolate is my kryptonite.” I sigh heavily.

  “I do. But more importantly, so does he. These Peony are gorgeous. Your house smells amazing, and from what I can see, not only is Skull sorry, he was paying close attention to everything you’ve said to him.”

  “Does that outweigh what he did?” I pop the lid off the gold box and grab a crème Brule truffle. “It’s sickening that I recognize these. One look and I can tell you the flavor. He’s evil. His plan is to make me so fat, no one else will want me. I swear to you I’ve gained five pounds this week alone!”

  “Then you should hear him out, so he’ll stop,” Blue says.

  “Are you on his side or mine?”

  “Both. I think you’re good for each other. Yes, he fucked up. But it’s not the same as it would be for any man in the ordinary world. He honestly didn’t know any better. I’m not taking up for him. I’m asking you to make an exception for stupidity. These men live in an alternate reality. The things you think of as common knowledge aren’t for them. Especially, Skull. He’s never had anything that remotely resembles steady or exclusive. It’s why I was so excited when you two hit it off, and started doing your own thing. You need a strong man, and he needs a sassy woman who won’t put up with his shit, but still has a soft touch.”

  “He needs a kick in his junk and a lesson on respect.”

  “So give it to him. Then take him back,” Blue says.

  “Are you a spy sent in to infiltrate me, Blue?” I ask around the heavenly bite of the layered chocolate treat.

  “No, but I can tell you’re not happy.”

  Maybe not, but my pride is intact. “Can one put a limitation on recovering from a breakup?”

  “No, but I don’t think this is over.”

  I sigh. “I’m trying to turn this soap opera into a season finale.”

  “He won’t stop. You get that, right?”

  I shrug. A part of me likes seeing him step out of his comfort zone. Perhaps now he can feel strange, uncertain and inadequate. Then we’ll be on even ground.

  “I think a part of you is loving this,” she accuses as she raises an eyebrow.

  “Not enjoying it...” I pause. “I want my knight to slay the dragon before he comes back into the castle.”

  “Did you just refer to your Vag as a castle?”

  “Oh, my God. No. I meant my good graces, a relationship, my arms. Anything but my Va jay jay, Blue. Pay attention.”

  She smiles. “You’re on a roll today, huh?”

  “I’m sorry. I’m in a bitchy mood. You’d think all of this would make me happy, right? It doesn’t. I’m angry at him for not being here with me.”

  “You can’t be when you won’t let him.”

  “I’m pissed that he messed us up in the first place. You know me. I’m a free spirit. I was the one who didn’t do commitment. Then he came along, and I started to see us being a long term thing. He gets me, and for the most part, I get him. It’s a rare thing when you can link with another being on that level. It’s also scary as hell. After the disaster zone my parents made of my family, forever after was a bullshit idea made by Disney to sell money. Skull did the impossible. He made me reconsider. I thought, maybe I was wrong. I opened myself up. He repaid me by throwing everything I offered him in my face. I felt like less than nothing when I saw that photo, Blue. What can he do that’s going to fix that?”

  “There’s no one thing he can do that will fix things. Only time and actions can accomplish that. I think these grand gestures are an excellent start. You want him to prove his worth? He’s trying. He’s also showing you patience he doesn’t normally have. How long that will last, I can’t say.”

  “Am I over reacting?” I whisper. Doubt rushes in weakening my resolve to stand firm.

  “You’re entitled to feel however you need to. You did nothing wrong, and I think making him work for it is a good thing. As long as you know what your end game is.”

  I bite my bottom lip. “How can we work this out without me looking pathetic?”

  “Honey, who do you think is watching? Each one of us has so many skeletons in our closet we don’t have time to worry about someone else’s dirt. Any minute now, ours could come popping up out of the mud like they did in the unfinished pool in Poltergeist.”

  I giggle. “Really? You’re ridiculous. You know that?”

  “Made you smile, though.”

  “You’ve always been good at that.” I grab the box and set them in front of her. “Thank you for being here for me.” I place my hand over hers and squeeze.

  “I will always be here for you, Ruthie. You know I’m your ride or die.”

  “Likewise.”

  “Remember that time we stalked Shadow?”

  I cover my face and laugh. “Yes. I’m sure he knew. Did you ever ask him?”

  “Umm…no. I don’t think I want to know the answer. Some secrets should stay buried.”

  “He’s your husband now. It’s okay that you were tracking him down at the local whippy stand because you knew he had a thing for their—what was it he always got?”

  “A lime Glacier. It was the soft serve in the middle of the slushy,” she mumbled.

  “And you still remember that?” I ask.

  “Shut up,” Blue says as she pops a piece of chocolate into her mouth.

  A knock sounds on the door.

  “You expecting anyone else?” Blue asks.

  “No, but you know Rochelle pops by at will. Little sister thinks this is her personal sanctuary.” I open the door and stare at the Asian man with long dark hair, and black rimmed glasses. His crisp white button up and black pants seem out of place for four in the afternoon on a Sunday. “Can I help you?” I ask.

  “Is this the house of Ruthie Gregg?” he asks.

  “Yes, it is,” I answer, half expecting him to burst into song and dance.

  “I have a special delivery of Kung Pao Chicken with Fried Rice, and Rangoon.”

  Did this man just sent me my favorite dish? The bas
tard is fighting dirty.

  He holds up the white plastic bag. “It’s already been paid for as well as the tip.”

  “Thank you.” I take the bag from him. The scent of cooked beef and spices raises up from the bag. I step back inside and close the door. My stomach turns. I drop it and dash for the bathroom. I hit my knees and empty my stomach once more. Oh, Shit.

  Blue rushes in behind me and gathers my hair, keeping it away from my face.

  Emotions burst like a bubble, and I alternate between sobbing and tossing my cookies. My period is due in a few days. I get the feeling I won’t be seeing it.

  “Holy shit, Ruthie. I think you’re pregnant.”

  I nod my head weakly and sit back on my heels, flushing the toilet.

  She releases my hair and returns with a wet washcloth.

  I wipe my mouth and slowly stand. “I think so. Jesus. What the hell am I going to do?”

  “Tell Skull—”

  “No!”

  “Ruthie Ryann Gregg.”

  “Not yet. I—I want to be sure.”

  “So, I’ll get tests. We need to know,” she says.

  I can’t speak around the knot in my throat. I switch to autopilot and grab my toothpaste. She walks out of the room, and I hear her steps leading to the door. I flinch when it closes behind her. When could this have happened? I backtrack through our sexcapades. The night in the rain. We could barely keep our hands to ourselves as we stumbled up the driveway. The rain had been a gentle mist, and the moon had been full, casting a romantic glow over the landscape.

  We ended up on the back deck with no protection. Normally, we’re safe. While we’ve both been tested, and gotten a clean bill of health, I don’t trust my birth control one-hundred percent. My mother conceived my sister and me on different types of contraceptives. The women in my family are notorious for failed contraceptives. There’s something in our makeup that doesn’t jive with the wonders of modern medicine.

  Sweat dots my brow. What am I going to do if that test is positive? If I tell him about the baby, everything I’m trying to accomplish is going to be compromised. I’ll never know if it’s about the child I carry or me. Does the man even want children? It’s not something we discussed at length. If he had this much trouble being faithful, how will he be with a child? I refuse to put any little person I birth through the same thing me and Rochelle lived through. I spit out my toothpaste, rinse my mouth, and splash water on my face. I need to pull it together. This is all just a “what-if”.